How To Navigate Political Conversations With Family During the Holidays
Deciding whether, or to what extent, to engage in political conversations during the holidays is a personal choice. There’s no single “right” answer, but there are two things you can do to make the decision that’s right for you: Get clear on your personal values and get clear on your intentions.
Getting clarity on your values and intentions ahead of family gatherings can help you feel grounded and prepared.
Confronting the Challenge of Politics at Family Gatherings
For some, family gatherings bring joy, comfort, and familiar traditions. For others, they evoke dread, emotional preparation, and the need to set and maintain boundaries. Many of us find ourselves somewhere in the middle, with “family time during the holidays” feeling like a mixed bag.
Political differences can make these gatherings even more complicated. Political polarization has grown in recent years, and conversations can quickly become personal or heated. Should you bring up politics? Engage when others do? Change the subject?
Everyone’s answers will differ, but exploring your values and setting intentions can provide internal clarity.
Two Ways To Prepare for Political Conversations at Holiday Gatherings
There are two ways that you can prepare yourself for difficult political conversations during the holidays:
1. Get Clear on Your Values
Our values are like an inner compass, helping us make decisions that align with who we truly are. There are plenty of values lists online, including ones from Brené Brown and Russ Harris, that can help you identify what matters most to you.
Values come into play when we face choices between competing priorities. For example, when it comes to engaging in political conversations with family members, you may feel torn between:
Harmony (keeping the peace) vs. Authenticity (being true to myself)
Family (preserving belonging) vs. Justice (speaking up for the marginalized)
Education (sharing information) vs. Pleasure (having an enjoyable experience)
Most of us care about several values, making these situations complex. If harmony and authenticity both matter, you might say: “I have a different perspective (authentic expression), but I don’t want to get into it this trip. I’d rather focus on enjoying our time together (preserving harmony).”
If you prioritize justice over family, you might choose to risk a harder conversation and be willing to advocate for justice even if it “rocks the boat.” These moments require clarity about what matters most to you.
Reflecting on your values ahead of time can help you feel more grounded and intentional. You can even plan responses that support those values. For instance, you can mentally rehearse taking a brief break before responding to a political comment if kindness is a core value and the comment is likely to trigger anger.
2. Get Clear on Your Intentions
Another helpful step is clarifying your intentions. Ask yourself: “If I respond this way, what am I hoping to accomplish?”
Intentions work best when they’re focused on what’s within your control — your words, tone, boundaries, and behavior — rather than on trying to change something outside your control, such as others’ beliefs or reactions.
For example, “I want my mom to understand my point of view” depends on her openness, worldview, and defenses. If this is my intention, I could easily get wrapped up in explaining, researching, and overexplaining. In reality, her openness to new information is beyond my control. A more workable intention might be:
I want to share my perspective calmly and clearly
I want to offer information neutrally
I want to redirect the conversation if I start feeling overwhelmed
These intentions help you stay grounded, regardless of how others respond. They can also create a sense of integrity after the encounter. Even if the conversation feels disappointing, you can still say, “I stayed true to my intention.”
And if you set an intention but got thrown off track, that’s okay, too. It can be an opportunity for self-compassion and reflection. You might say, “I wanted to stay calm, but that comment really got me worked up. A lot of people would have been snippy in that situation. I’ll apologize to my mom and maybe exit the conversation sooner next time.”
Working Through Difficult Conversations With Therapy
Political conversations with family can be challenging, but they’re also a chance for self-reflection and to act in accordance with your values and intentions.
By focusing on what matters to you and what’s within your control, you can approach the holidays feeling grounded and true to yourself.
If you’d like support working through difficult conversations with loved ones, consider scheduling a free 15-minute consultation to learn how I can help.
